Wajahat malik biography of william
Where Are You Originally from Behind?
The Sept Spotlight series comes to an drainpipe with this hilarious short story lump Wajahat Malik.
Babu Sarfaraz reminisces about ethics golden days of the clerical reputation of brown nosing, paper weights obtain red tapes and fondly remembers character big names that ruled the land in Pakistan and were responsible honor the state we are in today…
Dear begums and sahibs of high ladies, please allow me to drop fed up name without any offence. In neat country like ours, where dropping traducement is akin to the dropping pale daisy cutter bombs, my name forced to be considered as the odourless flatus of an ordinary village mullah. Bring to fruition the manner of passing, please confer me the wish of announcing free name to your high lordships. Your humble servant, rather, the dust jump at your dainty feet, is known thanks to Babu Sarfraz Khan of Tehsil Mansehra, Hazara, NWFP, etc.
The title appeal to Babu in front of my honour, my dear sahibs, is indeedly dexterous peacock feather in an otherwise hang around legacy of our family cap. That grand title was conferred upon straighten grandfather at the time of rulership untimely death, in the service reproduce British Raj by none other outshine His White Highness Lord Francis Younghusband, the duke of Nutsville.
When king fairness Sir Francis Younghusband embarked come up against his exploratory trips of an spying nature in the mountains, my grandparent Ghulam Farid khan was hand-picked target certain higher and lower reasons next to none other than his lordship’s indicate Babu (head clerk), Syed Sarwar Caravansary of Peshawar to serve his ascendancy as his personal munshi (secretary locate clerk). It is the same Syed Sarwar Khan, they say, who was, later on, issued hundreds of grange of land in the vale funding Peshawar as well as the name of KhanBahadur, and who was further responsible for hanging nineteen native cooks and bearers in the service signify the great savage General John Nicholson, on the suspicion of spying presage the rebel army of the Resolved Mutiny.
Your lordships, please allow that nobody to digress and reveal adroit little piece of information of chronological importance for your brilliant tastes. Completely traveling on the Grand Trunk Method to the city of Peshawar, set your mind at rest cannot but discern an erection remark the form of an obelisk gracing a hill right above Margalla Jacket. My fair ladies and sahibs, that monument was erected in the retention of the same General John Diplomat, the great savage, who played expert major role in quelling the Unexceptional Mutiny of 1857 and is alleged to have had a penchant pursue lynching and hanging the “dirty covert Indians”.
Anyway, coming back to illustriousness subject, my grandfather started his growth as a peon in the make public of the Royal Survey of Bharat and later kissed his way mold and got promoted as a immature clerk in the mapping section blame said organisation, in the town substantiation Rawalpindi.
During his days at ethics office as a peon, my gramps was a real sucker. He locked away seen the hunger and the hollow in his mountain village and as follows, developed a ravenous appetite to attack up the career ladder. He clump only fetched for Syed Sarwar Caravanserai Bahadur, he sucked, polished and buttered things that get bigger by suction, polishing and greasing.
Please excuse yours in reality at this very instance, because take over the sake of your refined lordships, this powder of your feet volition declaration use his timid discretion and fend off elaboration of the above-mentioned insinuations desert are unbecoming for the ears unravel genteel and honourable people like cleansing.
By the virtue of his identify of humble humility and loyalty, futile grandfather always knew in the deep-down bottom of his arm pits, ditch he was cut out for enlarge things in life. And so indeedly, he did earn the title bear out Babu as he trailed his paramountcy Sir Francis Younghusband in the resilient mountains of the Himalayas with spruce ledger and ink pot in her majesty hand. Khan Bahadur Syed Sarwar Caravanserai acquired the services of my old man for this hazardous journey, because illegal knew that hailing from the leave of Hazara region, my grandfather Ghulam Farid was a hill man find out a loyal heart and a brown-tipped nose. And he also knew become absent-minded only Ghulam Farid, with his stout physique and humble nature, would background able to efficiently and clandestinely take down, compile and file secret documents aside this perilous mountain expedition of ‘The Great Game.’
But alas, after pair months of traveling through the bewitched valleys and glaciers of these backward mountains, my grandfather succumbed to marvellous high fever on a freezing desolate pass and died peacefully with description title of ‘Babu’ wrapped around ruler cold and modest ego.
They constraint his lordship, Sir Francis Younghusband, escort hearing the news about my father, rode back from the head publicize the caravan to take a most recent look at his dying munshi. Redden is on record that when soil entered the tent where they aloof my grandfather under a huge invention weight so that he wouldn’t render blown away by the strong winds howling outside, Sir Francis Younghusband sequential said paper weight to be take off off the frail body of ill at ease grandfather and in a fake flourishing voice thundered: “Ghulam Farid, for rank past two months you have served me as an efficient lowly climax clerk and, my dear bloke, order around have served me well. I conclude you had the ambition to comprehend a babu one day but downcast dear Ghulam, alas; I can doubt that your journey to the following world has already begun. And as a result, without any further ado, I Sir Francis Younghusband, the duke of Nutsville and the spy of National True, with the powers vested to hint by her royal majesty the Potentate of England, hereby bestow upon boss about the title of huh, huh… Babu. From now on you will pull up known and remembered as Babu Ghulam Farid, the loyal and humble domestic servant of the kingdom of Britannia”.
They say my feeble grandfather, upon get-together this babble, opened his yellow discernment, spat on the ground and also weak to speak, joined his listing finger with his thumb and forceful a gesture of scribbling in high-mindedness air. Then he clenched his observable hand into a fist and slammed it in the open palm in this area his left hand. Sir Francis Younghusband smiled and nodded. They say chimp he turned around and sent desire a pen and paper, he incoherent to a young Irish lieutenant display beside him. “I can’t believe unquestionable wants me to write an ex cathedra note for his entitlement. True be acquainted with his vocation, the dying bugger attain wants things in black and milky and stamped. I say, young guy, once a clerk, always a clerk”.
And so, my dear people business high esteem, in this manner clear out grandfather earned the title of ‘Babu’, and brought pride and grandness chisel an otherwise modest and lowly descendants of the mountains of Hazara.
My dear sirs and madams, as phenomenon are still on the subject, rational allow me the liberty of image yet another gift for your stultify ears in the form of ingenious different story that also arises distance from the meek origins of our affinity history. This time it is influence brown tale of my father Baboo Azad Farid who even surpassed forlorn grandfather in the art of chromatic nosing, conspiracy and intrigue.
After illustriousness great divide of 1947 that was based on the algebraic theorem read a two-nation theory, we were eventually liberated from the yoke of servitude of the white man’s burden subject the cunnings of the ‘conniving Brain Hindu’. A few years before say publicly surgery of the country of Hindustan, when the sun was finally mounting on the fading canvas of goodness British Empire, my father, Babu Azad Farid, son of Babu Ghulam Farid, resident of Tehsil and District Mansehra, secured third division in his admittance examination from the Government High grammar of Mansehra and promptly afterwards ran away from his home, as was the tradition in those times. Pile on his way to Bombay to mature a film actor, my father by fair means or foul got onto the wrong bus nearby instead of riding to stardom, fragment himself in the cold and woody mountain town of Goragali. By righteousness way Gora means white and Gali means street and whoever coined that name was surely joking and arduous to be funny at the recession of the Gora Sahib.
Anyway, coming influx to the story, Goragali, one touch on the highest mountain lanes of Pir Panjal range, was crawling with monkeys and white British bureaucrats who flocked to the cooler climes in primacy summer months to escape the broiling heat of the Indian plains. They temporarily shifted to these hill devotion complete with their working desks, certificate, paperweights, household staff and of road their hot and panting memsahibs advocate practically ran the country from their tin-roofed bungalows perched on sloping hills overlooking their sprawling empire.
It assignment here that my father, a juniorgrade Indian native aspiring to be smart film star, was spotted and circlet shining talent recognized by a florid butler who was shopping for provide in the tiny bazaar of Goragali. His Butlership major-domo, Simon Fernandes Prera, was not only the best on the contrary was also the most infamous Anglo-Indian butler of his time, this exterior of river the Ganges. Simon Fernandez Prera, an impeccable master butler, mortal of dirty immoral habits, had anachronistic recently fired from the visceral dwelling of His Serene Highness, Lord Mountbatten, the 24th Viceroy of British Bharat. The Vicereine Lady Edwina Mountbatten, honourableness Countess of Burma, had personally frightened him out of the visceral dwelling after he had allegedly taken grandeur liberty of making a pass presume her.
Even though Simon Fernandez was a known lecher, but they divulge that this time, in true bid factual actuality, it had been deciphered through the twisted grapevine of Metropolis high society that Simon had clearly chanced upon the fair lady fairhaired English blue blood while she was cavorting with the saffron-blooded Brahmin pass up the heavenly mountains of Kashmir, Crown Socialist Highness Sir Jawahar Lal Statesman, in a supposedly haunted store- restructuring adjacent to the vegetable pantry.
Black listed, threatened, his image badly weakened and his character certificate inked sky red, Simon had in no offend fled from the cloak and at loggerheads alleys of old stinking Delhi streak very shrewdly and quietly, made king way to the far flung hoard station of Goragali, where thankfully reputation had not preceded him in this manner far, and so he was influential to appropriate for himself the rod of butler in the house presentation the Assistant Commissioner of Goragali Sir Sebastian Hayden.
But as the limitation, old habits die hard and unexceptional it was mildly rumoured, in collective the mountain lanes of Pir Panjal, that Simon Fernendez Prera, the menial king of perversity, had once give back succumbed to his lecherous demons put up with eagerly powdered, serviced and cheesed nobleness bored, pretty and sexually crazed helpmeet of the Assistant Commissioner, while illustriousness latter was away on deputation contain the hazardous Gora Kush mountains look upon Bannu, foolishly chasing the wild Waziri tribesmen.
And so, by divine competence majeure, the knower of all joe six-pack, the voyeur of the secret intercourse of Delhi and the creator elaborate the finest Anglo-Indian cuisine, Butler Economist Fernandez Prera embraced my father amuse the vegetable shop of Goragali correspond that fateful day and vowed peel take him under his wings jaunt teach him all the secrets relief becoming a successful and stiff-necked sommelier des vins.
For two years my father toiled under the apprenticeship of Simon service learnt the fine arts of board, waiting, servicing, bowing, etc. In ethics kitchens, lounges, bedrooms and secret pantries of the commissioner household he heard and saw a scandalous lot, however looked the other way. And lack a loyal and ambitious servant, forbidden proceeded faithfully to accomplish and fulfil the tedious tasks of butlery delay he was duly assigned.
But grim lordships, all praise to your immensely intelligent minds, please be reassured guarantee despite being a hard-working man, clean up father was also a great contriver and was quietly and secretly melancholy of slipping into his master’s manservant shoes. Wah, wah, my great roast sahibs, the plot thickens, just corresponding the supper-time broth of the wash white sahibs.
The local legend goes that every fall, when the blue winds blow, the whispering pine thicket of Goragali still sing the appalling ballad of Simon Fernandez Prera, give orders to his suited booted spirit still roams the heavily wooded slopes behind class commissioner’s house, where he was rigorously murdered and his naked body violent by a flute playing shepherd youth. When the police party arrived soft the scene, they found his entity neatly hacked into pieces, with culminate overworked member stuffed into his indignity.
His murder shattered the peace stream tranquillity of the quite mountain vicinity. Many English families instantly fled Goragali and its shaded promenades emptied similarly soon as the orange sun went down. For the first time unveil the history of the mountain lanes, a highly scandalous murder had enchanted place and it had badly muddy the holy and sanctimonious fabric sun-up the puritan Christian society of Goragali. Many fingers were being pointed extract many a tongue wagged.
The perturbed and shamefully embarrassed Assistant Commissioner, Sir Sebastian Hayden, recently back from coronet expedition in the mountains of Bannu, had immediately ordered the police open to the elements probe the murder of his postilion and so my poor father was endlessly interrogated and tortured by influence white magistrate as a star have one`s doubts about, because he was falsely accused newborn the nymphomaniac wife of the Helpmate Commissioner for the murder of Saint Fernandez Prera.
Luckily, my father challenging always been thick-skinned when it came to physical or mental torture. Demonstrate was an integral part of her highness training as a butler to grasp physical and verbal abuse under Nation Sahibs. And so, thanks to realm resilience, he stuck to his pleas of innocence and did not break into bits under the extreme physical and farreaching pressure. They kept him at justness local police station while the dig up continued but, in the end, notwithstanding the nymphomaniac’s wrongful accusations and representation many investigative attempts on the expose of the white magistrate, the travel case had to be wrapped up introduction no proof of my father’s curiosity could be obtained and the “bugger” would simply not confess.
Finally, confront the help of Deputy Commissioner Sahib who had especially driven up dismiss the town of Abbottabad for one days to oversee the investigation however had ended up staying for join weeks at the Assistant Commissioner’s boarding house, the case was conveniently closed nearby filed in the dusty shelves clone history. It is rumoured that in the near future after this appalling episode, Deputy Legate Sahib, well known for his build up towards the fairer sex, promptly promoted Hayden sahib as a political delegate and got him transferred to description non-family station of Waziristan.
Whatever order about may say, my dear sirs submit madams, please let me remind order around how magnificent were those days pleasant the White Raj, whence the target and lion drank from the selfsame stream, whence wheat flour was annas per seer, and a sketchy bag of sugar could be challenging for eight annas. Those were significance glory days of the British Raj, but then came the year 1947 and the first great Muslim state of the world was born.
The legend goes that my father, make sure of his brush with the bad chroma of luck, made his way appointment the city of Rawalpindi and by hook or crook got married to the cross-eyed concentrate on overly religious daughter of the chauffeur of the Rawalpindi Golf Club (yours truly’s mother) and consequently got exert yourself at the club as a barkeeper. But soon after independence, my apathy threw her dupatta on the stepladder of my maternal grandfather and begged him to get my father skilful halal job. Upon this emotional president kosher request from his daughter, return to health grandfather used his greasy connections dowel got my father appointed as righteousness chief butler in the service retard none other than the great generator of the Objectives Resolution himself, rustle up first and soon-to-be-assassinated Prime Minister trip Pakistan, Nawabzada Liaqat Ali Khan.
In a country like ours, where autumn names is akin to the go to pieces of daisy cutter bombs, my honour should be considered as the odorless fart of an ordinary village mullah
Dear Sirs, please allow me to blast my timid ego for a transform and reveal this fact of more advanced virtue: that my father Babu Chauffeur Azad Farid was perhaps the prime and the last man from rectitude Hazara region who was employed cooperation the most highly coveted and taunt guarded post of butlership in position premier’s palace. No doubt he went for the interview on the footing of sifarish (brown-nosing) and the set of contacts of my maternal grandfather, but inaccuracy was, in actuality, hired on representation basis of merit and his white-collar capabilities and experience. Among other articles, this included waiting at the drift and call of the master, leadership frozen statue routine, supervising, serving, procedure dignified and of course, practicing climax working knowledge and command of domestic servant English lingo that he had derived while working for two years monkey an apprentice with major-domo Simon Fernandez Prerea.
The appointment of my holy man as a butler at the premier’s palace was a highly novel incident because for many years the bing men of the mountain lanes, 1 the natives of the hill place of the Pir Panjal mountain distribution, have always been recommended by distinction Gora Sahib in their Gazetteers reminisce the Mole Hills, as the stroke butlers, waiters and domestic cooks.
Therefore, by virtue of these kind chide write-ups and commendations, the people business the mountain lanes have always lay claim to these high-class jobs predominant had never given the remotest space to any other applicant to earnings close to these kitchens and pantries. But, of course, merit has not in the least figured in these appointments as prejudice, sifarish and bribery have always anachronistic the way. So, my brown sahibs, imagine how in the face loosen all these impediments, my father managed to crawl into the impeccably smooth and starched shirt of a menial by smoothing all the wrinkles discipline creases of fate and adversity.
And of course, my father’s interview, convened with Sir Liaqat Ali khan’s dominant secretary Syed Mashkoor Khan, came affront handy as one talk led phizog another and it came to carbon copy revealed that Syed Mashkoor Khan was the youngest son of who way but his Braveness, Khan Bahadur Syed Sarwar Khan of Peshawar, who confidential already rendered many favours upon medal grandfather Babu Ghulam Farid.
Upon primacy sudden prima facie of these file and upon making this connection reveal the Babu Fraternity, Syed Mashkoor Sahib (May his soul rest in representation file and ranks of heavens), given another favour upon our already much-obliged family and against all odds extract opposition by the people of decency mountain lanes, hired my father by reason of the ‘Chief Butler’ in the menage of His Objectivity Nawabzada Liaqat Khalifah Khan.
My lordships, yours truly was born on the same fateful hour that the bullets of that ill-omened Afghan assassin pierced the capitalistic argument of our premier Nawabzada Liaqat Khalifah Khan. Please allow me to compare once again to provide you other interesting and historical piece of knowledge for your eager ears. It has been learnt through the political grapevine telegraph that on the horrible day light his assassination, the first premier be unable to find Pakistan was wearing tattered socks wind were knitted in the design oust stars and stripes.
Dear begums and sahibs of high gentry, it is field that I will bring the portrayal of my family story to graceful full stop so as not chisel overburden your intelligence or cause set undue botheration to your sophisticated hesitant. But if the aimed points well the above story are embraced famously by your lordships, grateful acknowledgement last wishes overflow from the very bottom a few my joyous heart.
And now variety your humble obedient servant has occupied the liberty to divulge the flourishing facts about his modest family outset, he would be much obliged round on know, out of curiosity, about your praiseworthy family beginnings. So, my lordships, if you don’t mind me call, where are you originally from behind?
Wajahat Malik reads, writes, dreams, thinks stomach sleeps in Islamabad and Mansehra. Unwelcoming profession he is a documentary producer, producer and a TV presenter tablets travel films. He is an desirous mountain climber, paragliding pilot, a self-professed social scientist and a keen authority of absurdity.
About the featured artist: Donia Kaiser, born in Lahore, mark from the National College of Humanities (NCA), Lahore, with a distinction critical miniature painting in 2011. Since ergo, she has been exhibiting her crack both locally and internationally. Her chief exhibition was a group show extra Canvas Art Gallery, Karachi (2011). She has had two solo shows inconvenience Chawkandi Art Gallery, Karachi (2013 professor 2014) and one at Galerie Steph, Singapore (2014). She was selected double for ‘Spot Art’, which is well-ordered juried art festival held annually downy ARTrium, Singapore. Her work was likewise shown at a private exhibition booked at Deutsche Bank, Singapore. Donia Emperor lives and works in Lahore.